The essence of BDSM often involves some training of some sort. Long distance BDSM training IMHO is not that different from regular training, but that’s just my opinion. Many people lead very busy lives and there is nothing to say that if they did live in the same city they would see one another that much more often. Personally, I have school, work, and a son. These are just some lessons that I have learned along the way they are by no means exhaustive or complete but just a portion of the things I have learned.
- **Be Patient. **The number one lesson that I have learned in all of this is patience. How to really be patient with another. While sometimes I have been tempted to act unseemly for attention (I am an attention whore) I don’t because I would never do anything to bring ill looks upon my Trainer. When people seem or encounter me I always want them to thing that I was trained/mentored well. That is something that I strive for.
- **Be Honest. **Honesty and I don’t just mean with him but with myself. I am honest enough to say that I am an attention whore and a cuddle slut. I can admit that. I have slut-like tendencies. I know this as well. Part of my training has focused on being able to admit those not so pleasant parts to myself and thus come to accept them. This also goes back to patience. Being an attention whore and admitting it allowed me to come to terms and be okay when he’s not giving me attention or giving someone else attention.
- **Be Real. **This may be a subset of being honest but I think that it always called for its own territory because I think this goes more into not just who you are but how you feel. I think that this part of my training helped me to become one with my feelings and desires. I was able to express legitimately that I had desires and feelings about things that I am not comfortable expressing to other people. I was real in a way that scared me because I had never been that honest/real with myself.
- **Be Vulnerable.** This was/is the hardest one for me to master. While patience takes the longest being vulnerable IMHO is the hardest. To be emotionally vulnerable with a person that I hadn’t met (in person at the time) required a level of openness and submission that I wasn’t sure I was ready for but once I did it was eye opening and refreshing to really be able to be that way with someone to have someone care for me in that way and protect my feelings. To learn it’s okay to cry. And if necessary have someone to cry with.
- **Be Open. ** this kind coincides with being vulnerable but it’s kinda different. I think this more is in reference to being open to correction, punishment, discipline, and change. These are also the fundamentals of growth and change in a person. If one is not open to growth then one cannot change or do better than where one is. If one is not open to discipline and correction, how can one expect to do better. This is one of the fundamental lessons that I ended up learning rather early.