Maybe you were perusing some other website and this popped up. Maybe you just randomly searched my name and found me. What ever reason landed you here, you are here. For a moment, allow me to dispel the myths for those who are so interested in reading further.
BDSM is NOT just whips, chains, and handcuffs.
It is NOT being beating and hit against your will.
It is NOT just a set of commands and following orders.
It is NOT abuse.
It is NOT a violation of rights (basic or otherwise).
It is NOT just pleasing your partner.
It is NOT being a doormat.
It is NOT just telling someone what to do and expecting them to do it.
It is NOT just wild or rough or freaky sex.
What BDSM is in its most basic definition is an inequity in power exchanged between two individuals who consensually choose to engage in such activities. What that looks like for anyone in a dynamic (a BDSM relationship) is largely variable. It may involve different types of play (kinky or alternative acts) for the creation of scenes (a period of time with which power is exchanged between two people) or long term dynamics. It IS an EXCHANGE between two people. Both people are receiving something both people are giving up something. It is not just all give on one side and take on the other.
Despite what most people would have you think, kinky, fetish, or BDSM-related sexual acts are not abuse. They are not abnormal or pathological. It is a healthy form of self expression that does deviate from what people consider traditional or standard in relationships. Considering the variety in relationships its probably time that we as a country expanded our definitions of normalcy. It is every bit as normal and sane as any other relationship that one may look into.
That being said: the following links are great resources whether you’re a novice, newbie, or veteran in the field.
- Fet Life: a social network of kinksters
- Submissive Guide: a resource network for those on the bottom end of the leash
- Albany Power Exchange : a listing of resources that are invaluable to newbies and vets
- Des Moines Area Discussion Group: a discussion group that often looks further in to power exchanges
Local Resources Include: