So, it’s not common knowledge that I have dated an adult film star. But in that time that we dated I have learned some things about myself and the industry that have enhanced my life sexually and non. So before dating an adult entertainer, these are some things you need to know (not ranked in order of importance)
- His or her life is public knowledge.
Many of them are sexual icons there to fulfill the fantasies and dreams of others. You can’t get lost in that. Sometimes it will be hard especially if you are dating someone who is internationally known and can’t go down the street with out being recognized but at the same time, your dating the person not the on film on stage personality.
- He or she is more than their job.
I would say this is one of the biggest mistakes that people make thinking that every day is going to be this sex crazed fantasy. Adult entertainers are normal people. They live, eat, breath, and do everything else that others do. They have feelings and emotions just as well. They are human and capable of making mistakes, even sexually. They may not be in the mood, or maybe they are in the mood a lot. There are a lot of variations to their personalities that makes them unique. Their job does not define them.
- Be secure in yourself.
Moreso in the adult entertainment industry, I have seen relationships fall apart because of one moment where people were insecure. Know this: they are more than a ball of sexual energy and capable of being emotionally and physically faithful as defined by the agreement between you and your partner. Don’t get caught up in what others may think about your relationship. The truth always comes out. Trust your partner it is going to be the biggest piece to having a successful relationship.
- Know what you are getting into.
If you’re dating a porn star, don’t expect sexual monogamy. If you’re dating a stripper, don’t be surprised if local people have seen your girlfriend/boyfriend naked. Don’t feed into what others say about what he or she did on camera, on stage, at a party, etc. Know that people will talk to get a reaction out of you. Don’t play into it. Know that if you trust him or her, that is more important.
- Work is work and home is home.
Don’t mix the two. What he or she does at work is just that. Work. Don’t get caught up in shows and other things that he or she may do as a result of being an adult entertainer. They are paid to create a fantasy, to replicate a feeling in someone else. For many people, its better if you keep the work stories to a minimum. Not necessarily forbid it, but don’t ask for a play by play unless you are ready to handle that your girl knocked out a gang bang scene or your man fucked several women every which way. The more you focus on him or her as a person the better off you are.
These are not hard fast rules about dating anyone in that lifestyle. They are merely my suggestions, guidelines, lessons learned. Compatibility beyond the sexual is key when thinking about dating anyone regardless of profession or status.