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Aug 12

Intimacy for One: Single Parents Edition

mother-clipartIntimacy: closeness, familiarity, warmth, affection; close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group. (courtesy of dictionary.com)

Google “intimacy” and one will pop up a bunch of sites about relationships and marriage. Not something that the single person wants to hear. Google “intimacy” and “single” and most of what pops up is a bunch of dating websites. Even the definition of intimacy (as stated on dictionary.com) is biased against single people. Again, most single people don’t necessarily need to be reminded that they are single. There is no need to tell them over and over again that he or she is single and need another partner to find intimacy.

This is a different article. The total premise is about creating intimate moments with the self and being close, familiar, warm, and affectionate with yourself. If you are looking for a relationship, this helps you to enjoy the period of solidarity before finding that right partner IF you have decided that’s what you want to do. If you aren’t looking for a relationship, this helps you to achieve that intimate moment alone. If you are in a relationship, this blog can help you strengthen and find intimacy in your self that you can share it with your partner. “Intimacy for One” is about reconnecting to oneself on a personal level and finding that joy in having a loving personal relationship with the self.

Of single mothers, 45.9% are currently separated or divorced, 30.5% have never been married, and 1.7% are widowed. Single parenting statistics about single parent fathers who are custodial parents show that 56.4% are either separated or divorced, 23.1% are currently married, 19.7% have never been married and 0.8% are widowed. According to the Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey, one in three (33%) children live with only one parent, up from one in five (20%) in 1980.
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This “epidemic” of single parenting as many would have you to believe creates many challenges for creating intimacy. Not only as a single parent does one have to face the time management, financial, etc. constraints, there are also societal pressures to be in a stable relationship (namely married) because people keep spewing statistics about how marriage works and children from two parent households do better than single parents. Well let us not get off topic; the purpose of this article is intimacy for ONE. That’s right, ONE. By being a single parent one doesn’t have plenty of “alone” time, but there are some simple things to help rekindle the intimacy within. Between the children schooling, working, personal endeavors, intimacy is not high on the list of things to do. However, creating intimacy is a great stress reliever and it does help to reduce potential stress-related illnesses like hypertension, diabetes, etc.

So, stop and think; a few moments a day can truly do wonders for the mind, body, and soul. Some of the things that a single parent can do to help promote intimacy are:
• Meditation: with or with out chanting
• Aroma therapy: buy some inexpensive candles and burn them when you are feeling stressed
• Light therapy: sit in a calming space that is adjusted to your liking (usually use the bathroom) and just relax by doing some deep breathing
• Long bath/shower: take a time once a week when the children are asleep and take a nice long bath/shower with or with out candles/bubbles/etc.
• Splurge once a week on something just for you be it lunch, a book, etc.
• Pick up a non child related hobby, that means if you are going to read, don’t read anything about or dealing with children read for pleasure
• Start low impact exercising. Its great for both the body and the soul

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